my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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