so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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