we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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