I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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