So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
