I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
