Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
