We won't sleep together?
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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