dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
