Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
