no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Randomize
