I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Randomize
