so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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