I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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