"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
