apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Randomize
