I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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