I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
