Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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