ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
