What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I have fence marks all over my body
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
