I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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