Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
