So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I have feelings that need drinking.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize