I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
