I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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