That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
