hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
