I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
if only i could text you this smell
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
