sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
