yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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