So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
