hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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