so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
We need to get me chipped asap
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
