I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
