I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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