I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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