i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
