Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize