she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Randomize