are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
