sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
