I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
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