guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
