Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
