party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
