Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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