Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
