The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
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