youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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