i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
