Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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