She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
