so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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