Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I love you.
Bad choice
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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