Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
sex in a hospital.. check
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
