Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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