i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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