70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
