I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
We talked him into tasing himself.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
