so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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