Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
