Your face is a jimmy john
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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