I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Is it because I queefed?
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
