big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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