you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
