If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
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