i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
