sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
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