Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
