I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
