Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
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