the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Randomize
